


As Cold as the Sea

by Oh_Man_Son



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: I might actually finish this one! Yay!, Not too much, ZOE CENTRIC, a little angsty, a surprise bc zoe doesn't get enough love, but still, mermaid au, mermaid!Connor, ok thats a lie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-27 01:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14415186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oh_Man_Son/pseuds/Oh_Man_Son
Summary: Connor Murphy was thought long dead after he had drown himself in the ocean late one night. It's been a year, the Murphy family has gotten through most of the pain that comes with the loss of a loved one. However, Zoe Murphy needs at least one last moment alone with where her brother was last. And so she goes to the beach where they had spent so many family moments together.And it's there where she finds that her brother is anything but dead.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm Back! Cool! Uh, okay so i'm excited abt this one...Don't yell at me if i dont finish it i do this for funsies. S/O to my sweet Doug for helping me with Zoe's characterization! Lov them...but if y'all have any tips on writing her please help don't be shy.

It was freezing. It was the tail end of winter. The wind billowed causing the waves to splash onto the small boat he was standing upon. The salty air burned at his nose and throat, causing his eyes to water. His fingers felt numb; he felt numb. He could just barely see the city lights which were being obscured by the heavy downpour. He figured that as long as he couldn’t see the shoreline no one could see him, or the act he was about to commit.

He was already soaking wet, even if he backed out now he had no way to get back, he abandoned his oars a couple feet back. His only options now were to stay afloat and starve or drop the concrete blocks tied around his ankles into the ocean, where he would soon follow.

He chose the latter.

In moments everything _burned_. The water filled his lungs as he sank rapidly into the water. In moments he began to regret his decision, but it was far too late, even so he tried to swim back up towards the surface. It was then that he felt something begin to untie the ropes at his feet. He didn’t know if he should be thankful or afraid.

He was free of his own bonds, but whatever untied him continued to pull him down faster. He attempted to let out a scream, a plea, anything, but it was no use. As whatever creature continued to pull him down he began to lose consciousness. And in those final moments he felt the creature stop and place a kiss upon his lips.

And he could breathe again.


	2. Chapter 1

Zoe Murphy is a generally normal high school student, she does what she’s told, doesn’t do drugs, and gets high honors every quarter. But, it all began to slowly slip, and when it did people began to notice. So, she picked up again, she didn’t want people to look at her like that, or worry for her, or, God forbid, feel  _ sorry for her.  _ Yes, she lost her brother, yes it hit hard. But other people don’t need to see her breakdown in the hallway over it. People don’t need to pry into her personal life. She just wants to get through her junior year of high school and leave. 

Of course, this doesn’t mean she has her moments. And these moments take place with those she trusts, not the entire student body. And today was one of those days. It’s been a full year. As much as Zoe claimed that she despised her brother when he was alive, and even once he was dead, she misses him. There were small moments between the two of them that she could never get back, she lost her big brother, the one who was there for her when their parents fought when the were young. The one who got her high once just so she could officially decide that weed wasn’t her thing. No one can replace him. 

Zoe lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, Mom told her she could stay home today. But if she stayed home that would also mean a trip down memory lane with Mom and having to console her with wine and watching some bad Lifetime TV movie. 

She was definitely going to school today. 

Zoe stumbled out of bed, her joints popping in protest.  _ I’m an old woman in a teenager’s body,  _ she thought to herself, stretching her arms over her head only to hear more pops from her shoulders. She shuffled lazily to her closet, pulling open the door and pulling out clothes randomly, she didn’t need to look nice it’s fine. 

After changing clothes and going through her morning routine she gave her mom a quick hug and a goodbye before heading out the door. Zoe got into her car and started the engine, she took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself for a moment. Maybe...she could be a little late to school today. Maybe she should go and “visit” him before she faces everyone.

Yeah, that’s a good idea. She pulls the car out of the driveway and drives the opposite direction of the high school. 

_____________

 

It was freezing. Zoe tucked her hands into her coat pockets as she walked the shoreline. A gentle breeze feathered through her hair, everything felt calm. And it was within this calmness where she felt most vulnerable, and it was here where she let her tears slip, and slip, and slip…

Zoe wiped at her eyes, sniffling a bit, her face was numb with cold. It almost felt as if the cold had traveled all the way into her heart and made its home there. She desperately wished it would leave. But, of course, she knew it wouldn’t, not for a while anyways. Thawing took time, it took patience and warmth, things that Zoe had a hard time finding nowadays. 

She had already come to terms with the fact that she may never fully thaw from what had happened, and she’s accepted that. But in truth she was thawing, slowly, ever so slowly, and that’s what mattered. 

Zoe walked down the barren dock that led from shore to ocean and sat down at the edge. She knew this beach all too well, from family trips, late night walks alone, and from the many times she went out with search-parties. They found some of his things; a shoe here, tattered fabric of what was once his shirt there, even his reading glasses he always kept in his pocket had washed ashore once. But never a body. 

The tip of her shoe just barely touched the surface of the water if she stretched her leg enough. She remembers days when she and Connor would race down the dock, the hot summer sun beating down on them. She remembers the feeling of cool water hitting her as she dove into the water after Connor. Those were the days she misses most, but she’d never admit that. However, no one was there, and for once in her life she could let go. 

“Hey,” Zoe started, staring out at the vast sea, “it’s...it’s been a while, huh?” She felt stupid, talking to no one, but after reading a total of ten articles on how to deal with loss she felt like this should help. That’s what the articles said, anyways.

“Mom hasn’t touched your room since you died, it sucks, actually,” she smiles to herself grimly, “well I mean, sometimes it doesn’t sometimes it’s nice to go in there and...it’s just nice to go in there. It’s quiet, well for once it’s quiet, since you don’t have music blasting all the time.” She laughs, “I do that now, yknow? I have to cause chaos now that you can’t. Dad hates it…” Zoe trails off, looking down at her reflection in the water. 

“They miss you…” She continues after a moment, her voice wavering, “Dad won’t admit it but God, he misses you so much. He wanted you to do so much and I know that it sucked when he pushed you like he did but--I think-- I think he did it because he was worried. And Mom, oh my God..” She could feel the warm tears streak down her face again, “she took it so hard...so, so hard. All that she wanted to do was to bury you or something, but we didn’t have anything. All that we got to do was give shitty speeches that no one could finish because we-- we didn’t know what to say! You literally gave us nothing to work with! You know what I said? That you were my brother and that no matter what I say I loved you, you were my worst enemy but my best friend you piece of garbage! Why did you get to get out of this but not me?! Why not me?” 

Zoe let out a sob, “why did you leave us like this? I miss you.” She continued to sob quietly, muttering gentle ‘I miss you’’s over and over. 

After a while she calmed herself, wiping her eyes and nose with her sleeve. She took a deep, shaky breath, and looked up out at the endless ocean one last time. 

And she saw him. Connor. And he was looking at her, it was like they were both seeing a ghost. 

The first thing Zoe noted was how unbelievingly pale he was, even more-so than usual. His hair was longer than he had ever kept it before, if he ever grew it even close to the length he was wearing it now Larry would have made him get it cut. 

But the most unusual things she saw were very new. The small slits on the side of his neck that moved as if he were breathing through them. He also sported what looked like small patches of scales on his shoulders. It was unnerving. 

Did Zoe take some kind of drug and not remember or what? 

“Con--Connor?” 

As soon as Zoe spoke he was gone as quickly as he had appeared. And she was alone again. 

She also had over 10 missed calls from Cynthia. Great.


End file.
